New
by SunshineAndSecrets
Summary: Magic is a strange and dangerous thing. When a magical mishap transforms Artemis into an elf, his life is reborn in Haven. Follow him as he struggles to regain friends, family, and his fortune. Bad summary... Sigh. A/H
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own none of these charecters or places... only my ideas... Aw. now I made myself sad... XD**

**Let the FanFic begin!!!**

It must have been the magical hot spot. It was the only thing he could think of in that short period of time from when the sensation of fire roaring through his veins and the time when he blacked out. _The magic... Her eye... Changing me... _He felt a pair of small warm hands, not as small as he remembered though, pressed against his cheeks, and heard that same sweet voice calling his name. The pain, instead of fading, continued to grow, doubling by the second. It became so that he knew he was screaming, though he could not hear it. He gave into the darkness.

But Artemis Fowl did not die. How could he die, for he is Artemis Fowl II. Fowls do not die. What foolish thoughts, he chastised himself. Of course he could die. He waited for the fear to settle into his bones, but it did not come. He was warm, and the air around him was sweet, if stale. His mind, always the first part of him to wake in the morning, fought to remember.

Holly's face appeared in his mind, and he latched onto that. Holly, and the tree... the magical hot spot. It was the one they had first met at. She had performed the ritual, and though she had been replenished as well, she was not the only one. The blue sparks flowed over the ground like a river, encircling him and drowning him. It felt to him like a wave of magma burning him from the outside in. The horrible pain, the numbing buzz of the sparks, than nothing... As his was gently prodded into consciousness by these niggling thoughts, he realized that though the fire was gone, he ached everywhere.

He groaned and forced himself into the sitting position. He found himself unable to open his eyes, for most of his face seemed to still be numb. Two hands forced him back down. It was not Holly, for the hands were to large, but it was also not Butler, for the hands were to small. Not his father either, for they were to gentle. _Juliet? Mother?_ He tried to speak, but all that came out was a disjointed mumble. His rescuer saved him the trouble. It turned out that, as usual, his first guess was correct.

Holly's voice reached him from somewhere nearby. "Artemis! You're awake, kind of. Anyway, are you OK?"

Artemis focused all of his brain power on forming words. "Wh-What... happened?" His voice was scratchy and dry from disuse, and different somehow. His, yet not his.

"I was performing the Ritual and the magic overflowed to you as well." She seemed to be holding something back. Artemis tried again to open his eyes but failed. This frustrated him. He consoled himself by making a revelation.

"The eye."

"What?" Holly said.

"You're eye. It probably called the magic to it, by force of habit." He said, feeling better immediately.

"Ah, that does make sense." A new voice came from the opposite side of the room. Artemis heard a door latch click, and he could only assume that Foaly had joined them. "That once the magic entered your system, it realized that you were not a creature of magic, and manifested."

"Like a computer software, if you will. A computer will upgrade itself to run a software it is not familiar with. Am I an elf, then?" He stiffened, though kept his voice calm.

"You managed to figure all that out without even opening your eyes. Well aren't you a little genius." Holly said sarcastically, though there was sadness in her voice.

With those few words, Holly sent Artemis's world crumbling down around him. Family, school, all his work, his study... Butler. Everything he had come to love was on the surface... out of his reach. It was gone. His whole world... gone. Slowly, function by function, his mind began to shut down, the only thing remaining was that one world. _Gone. _Nothing more.

"Is that it then?" His voice was strong, but hollow.

"I'm afraid... there is nothing we can do. The magic flushed all the human from your system. You are 100% elf."

Artemis brought his hands up to his face, and sat there, in complete stillness. He was trying desperately to keep from crying. He couldn't do this. No chance? How many times had he been told that before. If he knew anything from his experiences with the people, there was always something he could do. But until then... Artemis sighed. He should have expected as much. They had managed eight months without some sort of crisis, and in his book, that meant they were long overdue. "Am I in Haven? Where is Butler?"

Holly answered. "Yes, you're in Haven. Big Man came with us to bring you down here, but said he had to go back to the house. He said he would come down as soon as you woke up, one way or another." He could hear the toothy grin in her voice.

"How long have I been out?" Artemis, while running through all the technicalities, was one by one flexing his every muscle, going through the physical checklist Butler had thought him. His legs were functional, his torso and arms were fine. He could speak. All that was left was...

With one monumental burst of effort, he forced his eyes back into life and immediately shut them again. The light, though dim and with a slight greenish tint, burned his retnas. He worked on getting used to the light while Holly answered him. "You've been out for almost two weeks. In that time, we've notified your parents, well your mother at least, because she already knows of us, we've converted £200,000 from your personal bank account into Fairy Gold, since you'll have to live here in Haven until we find a way to switch you back."

"Find a way? Well, isn't that encouraging?" He said dryly, using his biting tone to cover his worry and fear.

"No need to be a smart ass, Artemis." Holly said just as coldly.

"Easy guys. Though, Artemis, she's right. We did some blood work while you were out and like I said earlier, you're 100% elf. There really isn't any human left in you, so it's a good thing you're fluent in Gnomish, cause you're gonna need it." Foaly said.

Artemis's hand immediately went to his ears, and he found them pointed. He sighed and opened his eyes. The room he was in did indeed have a green theme, though that was the only observation he had been able to make earlier. Now, with more detail he recognized himself to be in one of the Human Holding cells in the LEP head quarters. Holly stood in front him, arms crossed, in her Section Eight uniform. Foaly stood in the corner, his portable laptop in his hands, clicking away.

"So, what now?" He asked.

"Well, you'll need to find somewhere to live, and get a job. The Council is providing you with this room for a month and during your stay here, three meals a day, not prison food of course, but still... They say helping you, uh, get back on your feet will help repay their debt to you."

"Very well. Foaly, are there any open positions in you're field?"

Foaly grinned. "As a matter of fact, we might have just the position for you. I've been looking for someone to assist me for months now, and the Council refuses to grant my request. Another genius on board is exactly what we need." He turned back to his laptop, grinning.

"You're in a good mood. Caballine must be getting to you." Holly said.

"Maybe so, but regardless, I have to go run this by Trouble. See you later."

"Bye." Holly and Artemis called out together.

Holly looked back at Artemis. "Stand up."

Artemis did as she asked, pleased to find that he stood almost three centimeters taller than her, which he remembered, was a rather large increment for the People, his people. "I win."

"Damn. Fine, but next up is the arm wrestling contest."

Artemis laughed. "I forfeit. So, I'm going to need the full spectrum of fairy culture. Of everything. Tell me how to live." He sat down on the bed, and fell backwards, arms behind his head. Holly copied him, laying next to him.

"Well you already know how our law works. You know the races, elf, pixie, goblin, dwarf, demon, and troll. Um, we don't really eat meat. Only stuff we can't talk to, like small fish and insects. It's really a lot like human society. Though I suppose you want to know more of what your life will be like. Well, you're gonna be below ground more than not, and even then we're mostly nocturnal. You're going to live a lot longer, obviously. Though you're only nineteen, you look like you're around seventy or eighty in our terms because you should still be a toddler right now.

"You have magic, we'll have to teach you how to use that, and every five months or so, you'll need to complete the ritual to replenish it. Odds are, you'll end up working with, or along side Foaly, which means you'll spend most of your life in front of a computer screen, nothing's changed about that." Holly paused to wink at him. "You're £200,000 translates into roughly 134,000 ounces of Gold, but I'm sure you'll find a way to make a comfortable living."

"Tell me something. Have you ever, or has any other Fairy you know of, ever desired a pet?"

Holly seemed confused by his strange question. "Uh, yeah. There are cats, but most animals are to large to be kept below ground, and Foaly hasn't been able to figure out how to manipulate genes yet, so yeah."

"Alright then, continue please."

"Well, the only foods available down here are Nettles and fungus, so our recipes get pretty creative. Than there's customs and traditions and Holidays. Our history is pretty interesting too..." Holly continued like this for almost two hours, until they had covered the basics of... well, everything. Artemis yawned.

"What does the public think of me?" He felt vain asking this, but he had to know how he would be received.

"I'm not sure. We haven't released that you've been changed, but I'm not even sure if people will recognize you..."

"How so?" He asked quizzically, tilting his head slightly.

"Well, here." Holly grabbed her helmet from a side table and trained the camera on him, snapping a quick picture of him, than projecting it, life size, so it looked as if Artemis were staring at his twin. The color clarity was perfect, and it was even in 3D. Though this cutting edge technology was not what had caught Artemis's interest.

Everything about Artemis had changed except his basic features and his mismatched eyes. His hair was auburn, dark red with black streaks running through it like natural highlights. His body had toned itself all over with sinewy muscle. His nose was more of a nub now, and his pointed ears poked out from under his shaggy hair, which had grown out halfway down to his shoulders. His skin was clear of any blemish.

Artemis let out his breath in one long breath. Holly walked over and, after turning off the hologram, returned her helmet to the table. "Hey. Are you OK?"

Artemis pulled the Fowl Persona around him, and his back straightened, and his chest puffed out. "I'm quite fine, thank you for the inquiry. Merely a lot to take in, but I will persevere, as usual."

"Cut the crap Arty. Come on. Let's go for a walk, I'll show you around the city."

Artemis sighed and his stature seemed to dissipate as well. "OK."

Holly led him out of the building, where he was was given his first real look at Haven City. He gasped. Magma bikes and other vehicles sped along the ground, and others soared above them. The tall buildings glowed with florescent lights. Holly tugged on his wrist and he followed her, stumbling.

Holly led Artemis past many different places. Stores and restaurants and parks. They passed a market bustling with all sorts of creatures, dwarfs selling precious stones and goblins, pixies, and sprites with all sorts of different things. Then there was a restaurant called The Mossy Shoal, which Holly said was one of the best places to eat in the entire city. There was a paring lot full of vehicles for sale, and a clothing store called Markab's and a Grocery Store with all sorts of exotic looking mushrooms and plants in the front window.

"How much does one of those magma bikes cost?" He asked.

"About 2200 ounces of gold. Why?"

"Because walking tires out my fragile legs quickly." He said with a smirk on his face.

"Well tough noodles 'cause I'm not letting you near one of those things until you can make it through the LEP obstacle course. Traffic down here is like a battlefield most days and if you kill yourself, I'll be angry with you."

"Why, Major Short. I didn't realized you cared so much." He said sarcastically.

"It may be buried deep, but it's there. Um, hey Artemis... Can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure." Holly pulled him off the main sidewalk and into a small alley.

Holly sigh than began. "Are you feeling OK? Really, I would hate it if I were turned into a human, my whole life revolves around the people, and I know this has got to be hard for you, and you're acting like you're fine. More than fine, actually. It's so out of character." She laughed dryly. She looked up to see Artemis watching her.

He was silent for a while before he answered. "No, Holly. I'm not OK. I miss my family, and my old life. I miss my humanity. But I know that if I show any weakness down here, Haven'll kick my ass. So I'm trying to hit the ground running. This is my life now, and I'm not Artemis Fowl anymore, so I'm not going to be the person I was before. I'm starting over."

Holly gaped at him slightly, than clamped her mouth shut, but her eyes still twinkled with awe at his determination. "Good. I'm glad you've taken hold of this so quickly. And if you need anything let me know." She wrapped her arms around him for a second, briefly, but long enough so that Artemis had enough time to return the gesture. "No come on. I know your girlish legs are probably aching from this long, long trek."

"Fine, but tomorrow, will you help me look for an apartment?" he asked.

"Sure. I get off work at six thirty."

They walked back to the police plaza in silence, except for a few comments from Artemis on architecture or scenery or something. Once inside, Holly said good bye and left Artemis in his room. He lay on his bed for almost forty-five minutes mulling over everything that had happened and was about to go search for Foaly when a knock rang out from his door.

"Uh, come in?" '_Uh' is not a word, dimwit. What a way to begin a conversation._ He chastised himself as Trouble walked through the doors, with Foaly in tow. Trouble seemed surprised by the change in Artemis's appearance.

"Good afternoon, Fowl." He said gruffly. Foaly winked his greeting from behind him.

"Good afternoon." Artemis answered back much more amiably.

"That's 'Good afternoon, Sir' to you. I hear that you would like to take a job as Foaly's second in command in the category of Technology Improvements and Surveillance?"

Artemis's expression stayed neutral, except for a flicker in his eyes. "If that is the job available to me, sir, than yes. I believe I could easily fulfill the duties set before me in both of those fields."

Trouble nodded his approval. "Good. Than in that case, Foaly will debrief you and if you still agree to our terms, than you'll be signed on."

Foaly stepped forward. "Due to your previous efforts in the LEP, we feel that it is not necessary to start you at the bottom of the pack, like we normally would. Also, due to your intelligence, we believe that you would be more than capable to make significant improvements in both Public and government technology. There by, we are offering you the position of LEP Technical Consultant, specializing in the advancement of Fairy Technology. Techie for short." Foaly ended his clearly scripted speech with a wink.

"What will my budget be. Who will I work under and who will work under me. What will my salary be and what are my hours?" Artemis asked.

"It depends of what you're focusing on, though generally between 10,000 oz and 30,000 oz per case you're given. You work under me and Trouble, and over everyone else in the technical field, and pretty much over all the Privates in the normal LEP. Salary is at 13 oz of gold an hour, though you're limited to 100 hours a week."

"I see. I accept your offer, though I will require a day to be caught up with the People's advancements and I expect that you have some sort of class or something that I am required to take? I license perhaps that I have to earn?" Artemis asked.

"Yes, normally you have to take a three day long course, but seeing as you are already familiar with the mechanics of our technology, the C Cube being a prime example, I'm not sure if that is entirely necessary. A day with Foaly should be enough. He will evaluate you and if he think you're good to go, than you are."

"Very well. Though it is clear, Sirs, that you have the final call, I accept my terms."

"Than be at the police plaza tomorrow morning at nine. I'd tell you to come in at seven like all the other employees, but it's hard to learn from some one who's not there." With that, a glare at Foaly, and a quick look around the room, Commander Trouble Kelp swept out of the room without a backwards glance.

Artemis turned to Foaly. "Thanks for the job Foaly."

"I suppose you're welcome. It'll make life easier on everyone to have another genius on board, though you're expected to make some pretty significant advancements in the next few months. The council is weighing a lot on your success, and if you fail it's coming back to might me in the butt."

"Well, I'm sure that won't happen. What are you working on right now?"

"I've been working on a type of anti-gravity pod so the g-force won't affect our officers riding on flares as much. I've tried to incorporate the moon belt into it, but than it doesn't drop down into the flare. I can't pressurize it because than the heat and cold inside the pod create moisture which destroys the seals on the pods."

"Hmm, well what if..." Artemis and Foaly spent the rest of the night debating aerodynamics and complicated formulas, until Foaly finally relented.

"Fine. You may be on to something there, but it's to late now to figure it out, so we'll talk more tomorrow." He stood and from his lab coat pulled out a strange wrist watch, armband combination. "Put this on the arm you write with. It is a watch, a calculator, its a communicator, it can monitor your health, though I think the best thing is, is that it can soundlessly and painlessly wake you up via waves to your brain. It's already calibrated to eight thirty, which'll give you half an hour to get ready.

"Thank you. It's marvelous."

"The tip of the ice berg, boy, only the tip. See you in the morning."

**Alrighty! The first chapter is completed! W00t! *ahem*. Anyways. If you liked it please review! I need your ideas to keep going because, afterall, this fic is for _you_! See, now don't you feel special? Reviews make authors happy and happy authors update faster! :) Toodles! (:**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter two is UP! Not just up, but UP! Wonderful. Well, here it is, and I made some changes to the first chapter, seeing as most of my information was inncorect. Special thanks to Kitsune Heart and Alchemechanist. I tried to change it, though I'm pretty sure it was an EPIC FAIL! Oh well. *Insert cheesy disclaimer here* Let the Wild Rumpus- Oh, wait. Wrong thingy. Let the Fanfiction begin!**

~The Next Morning~

Artemis found himself silently, and pleasantly awoken. It took him a moment to remember why he was not in his room, but then it all came crashing down on him. He dug his nails into his palms, fighting to hold back tears. He was stronger than this. He was above it, better than it. He would not cry. He lost his parents, his home, and Butler before. He could do it again. He had to stay strong.

Artemis rose, bottling his emotions up inside, and prepared for his first day in Haven. He searched through the small dresser in the corner of the room and found a LEP uniform. It was a newer model for the Techies than the last he had seen. It was made of black, slight iridescent fabric, with green stitching. There was a note folded up in it.

_Welcome to the force, Arty! Here's your uniform. You can get your helmet and badge when you get in. I'd give you directions but you've already been here so many times I don't think that's necessary. Anyways, see you soon! From Foaly._

Artemis grinned slightly and donned the uniform. It fit him perfectly, and was much more comfortable than his usual suit. Artemis looked in the mirror as he left. His auburn hair shocked him, as well as his newly constructed face. He looked exactly like a fairy. He was one. Artemis felt his eyes get misty, and he cringed. He mustn't cry. He was a Fowl, for heavens sake. _No matter what happens, no matter horrid things are, and no matter how many things life throws at you, keep your chin up and stay strong, and nothing can touch you. You are a Fowl._ His father had taught him this lesson before he had changed, and Artemis found that he wanted his words to be true.

This did not stop Artemis from missing Butler. His mother and Father would be heart broken again. He even found him missing the raucous presence of his younger brothers. He missed the elegant style of the Manor, and he missed the surface already. He wanted to see the sun. Artemis felt a feeling of claustrophobia falling around him, and he rushed from the room.

The room he had been kept in was on the east side of the Plaza, and he knew the route that would take him to Foaly's office. He passed many elves, some with guns at their hips, and some with fugitives cuffed to their moon belts. None of them spared him more than an inquisitive glance or two, letting him pass by without incident. He arrived outside a reinforced steel door hat marked the entrance to the Ops. Booth. An electronic voice beeped through a speaker.

"Identification, please." Said the elf-imitation voice.

"Open the door, Foaly." Artemis said, crossing his arms.

Foaly's laugh could be hear from inside the room and the door slid open. Artemis walked into a pristine room cluttered with various bits of technology and computers covering every surface. A lot of it was chrome. _How... cliched,_ he thought.

"Ah, Mr. Fowl. Nice to see you." Foaly said professionally as Artemis walked in.

"Good morning... sir?" He unintentionally ended it as a question. He still wasn't sure about the military etiquette in the LEP.

"Only call me that when Trouble is around, it's weird." He said, clopping over from his computer.

"Alright. So, debrief me." He said, mentally preparing himself.

"Well, obviously this is the Ops. Booth. You'll report here every morning, than you'll be given a list of tasks you have to accomplish before you leave for the day. If you're on support duty, you'll be sent to one of the booths where you'll be given a one on one connection with one of our officers, and that could mean above or below ground. It's your job to keep our officers out of danger, and out of sight."

"Here is the main frame." Foaly motioned proudly towards the large monitor on the north wall. "It contains all the data about _everything_. And I don't just mean the People's everything. You can access anything from a soldiers life records, to Scandinavian social security numbers, or German Surveillance Cameras, to the history of mankind. Keep in mind, though, that you are a regular citizen now, and if you break the law you will be thrown in jail." He gave Artemis a reproachful stare. Than continued.

"Here." Foaly reached behind him and retrieved a shiny black helmet, a pair of black gloves, and two shiny gold oak leaves. "That's your helmet. It can access the main computer here. You control it with those gloves, move the mouse using your left hand on the palm of the right glove, and to click on something, press your right thumb and middle finger together. To type, use gnomish sign language. I assume you're fluent?"

Artemis could only manage a nod.

"Good. Inside your badge there is a chip that will open doors, log you into the computer, and all sorts of nifty things. It's an identification badge. Your suit will read your vitals, and if anything goes wrong, say you have a heart attack, it will show up on the screen of your helmet. You can also get email, video chat, research, and review your mission status. Got everything do far?"

"Yes." Artemis said shortly.

"Well, that's the basics. I tell you more as time goes on, but for right now, I believe you are to report to the training field. Trouble decided that you should have at leas some basic police training. You'll be given your Nutrino, and put through some basic practices, and also be given a physical assessment." Foaly said.

"Wonderful. And where exactly is this Training field?"

"Well, you're escort should be here about now."

Just then the door slid open. "Hey there, Foaly. Hey Arty." Holly said, walking into the room. She had her uniform on and her helmet under her arm, Nutrino holstered at her hip, and a green drawstring bag on her back.

"Hey Holly. You're gonna show Arty the ropes?"

"That's what Trouble told me to do." She said, winking. "Come on, then. We don't have all day. You gotta be done by my lunch break."

"Coming." Artemis said, pinning on his badge. Holly put on her helmet and Artemis followed suit. Holly turned and walked out of the room, setting a fast pace. Artemis had to jog to catch up. It was silent for a few moments.

"So how has your morning been?" Holly asked, breaking the silence between them.

"Extensive. And yours?" He asked amiably.

"Boring. All paperwork. How are you liking your new position?"

"Well, from what Foaly's told me, it's within my capabilities. It sounds enjoyable."

"You are such a pampered kid." She said laughing and shaking her head.

"Excuse me?"

"If you had ever worked a day in your life, you would know that work is never, ever, enjoyable. That's why it's called _work._"

Artemis scrunched up his face in disgust. "Wonderful."

"Well, here we are." Holly said, motioning to a large open space about the size of a foot ball field. It had AstroTurf on it, and was set up in different ways in every corner. In the far left corner, was a sort of gym, with weights and treadmills and all sorts of things for enhancing physical abilities. In the far right corner was a shooting range, with both real targets and virtual targets. In the near right corner was an aerial obstacle course and a ground obstacle course, then in the corner they stood in appeared to be several sparing rings for hand to hand combat.

"Do I have to fly?" Artemis asked nervously.

"If you ever want to see the surface again, you'll have to know how." Holly said.

Artemis sighed. "Where do we start?"

"The shooting range." Holly pulled the drawstring bag off her back and reached in. She pulled out a sleek looking, brand new, black Nutrino Gun. Artemis wasn't sure what model it was; he had never seen it before. "Here. It's a present from me and Foaly." She handed it to him, beaming.

"Holly, this must have cost a lot. It's far to generous, and I'll be behind a desk all day anyway. You actually use a gun. Why don't you keep it?" Artemis said, shocked by the generosity of his friend.

"Oh please. Odds are you'll get pulled out of your office often enough. And half the reason the council decided to allow you to stay in Haven is because of your history in helping us. Next time there's a crisis, you'll be expected to be there, and you won't have Butler to protect you. Here." she handed the gun to him.

"Thank you." He said, examining the piece of machinery.

"It's the Nutrino Pro. It's the newest model, not even been released yet. Foaly gave it to me. You're kinda a test subject. Don't worry though. It's been completely checked over, so it won't blow up in your face or anything. It has almost no kick, and the beams have micro-thingies, please forgive my lack of Foaly-esque words, that can track heat signatures, so it's far more accurate because they can actually correct any shooting errors and head towards the target itself. It's really basic though, so of course you can still miss." Holly explained all this as they were walking towards the shooting range.

They way the shooting range was set up, there were five separate rooms. Artemis knew the basic operations of the range. Inside hologram enemies would appear, and obviously, you're supposed to shoot them. As they arrived, Artemis found that out of the five booths, four were occupied. Holly stepped into the empty slot, and Artemis followed. Holly drew her Nutrino 2000 out of her holster. Artemis looked dumbly at his own. Holly sighed.

She pointed to the switch on the left side, right above the trigger. "This is the safety. As long as that's switched on, the gun won't fire." She pointed and the dial above and behind the trigger. "this is how you control the intensity of the shot. On low, it will only stun the target. On medium it will knock them out, usually, and on high it usually gives them a burn, as well as a guaranteed KO. Everyone does something different, but generally to be the most accurate, keep both eyes open, and focus on your target. Your vision will split, but just put the target in the middle of where the barrel seems to split. But if that doesn't work, keep trying different things until you find what work for you. OK, I'll start it out on easy. The way this works, there are ten levels of difficulty, with three sub levels. 1C is the lowest, and 10A is the highest. In 1C, the targets are stationary, in 2C they slowly walk around, by 4C they're running around. In 5C they get guns and yes, they do shoot at you and you do feel the impact of the shots. By 10C you're looking at trolls. 'Kay? I'll start you at 1C."

Holly turned to a key pad and with a few deft clicks the machine powered up and four holographic dwarfs stood stock still in the middle of the firing range. Artemis raised his gun and, doing as Holly said, centered the gun on the first dwarf and, having already flicked the safety off, pulled the trigger. He hit the dwarf in the shoulder and the hologram flickered out of existence. He missed the second one, got the third in the leg, and a chest shot on the last.

When there were no more, he straightened and looked to Holly. "Well?"

"Not, bad I guess. But what are you going to do when they're moving, let alone out in Haven where they'll be running and jumping and shooting fireballs at you?" She snickered at the abnormally pale tone of Artemis's skin. "Let's try this setting again."

"Alright." He sighed.

By the end of their shooting session, Artemis was rather proud of himself. He found himself proficient at 2B and had even earned a compliment from Holly. The obstacle course was considerably harder.

The course was, of course, military standard. There was a climbing wall, what strangely resembled monkey bars, a rope course, weaves, ditches, and a jumping course. Artemis sighed. He knew what was coming.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" Holly asked, leaning again the climbing wall.

"Aren't you going to go too?" Artemis asked. He was not afraid to admit that he was stalling.

"Nah, I'll watch the show from here." She smirked.

He glared at her dismally. "Fine."

Artemis approached the first obstacle: the wall. It was double sided, and about fifteen feet high. Seeing as he was now only three feet tall, the height daunted him. He grabbed the first hand hold and hoisted him self up. His arms were screaming by the time he reached the top, and he contemplated just jumping off the top to save him the trouble of climbing down, only he didn't want broken legs. He was panting when he reached the ground, and a sheen of sweat covered his limbs. He heard Holly snicker.

"I would have been done by now."

"You realize the most highly physical thing I've ever done was hop on a train, and even then it almost cost you your career."

"I suppose." She said and fell quiet.

Artemis's arms felt like jelly, lifeless and useless. Regardless, he moved on to the monkey bars. Not only did he have to jump to reach them, his muscles burned as he moved him self from bar to bar. When he leaped down, his legs nearly buckled. He stood, panting for a moment or two, than dragged himself forward. The rope course gave him even grater difficulty, seeing as his strength had already drained out of him. He sluggishly drug himself through the weaves, into and out of the ditches. He could see the end ahead of him. He made it over three of the seven jumps before his legs refused to hold him. He crashed to the ground, chest heaving.

He could her Holly's pattering foot steps. She knelt beside him and placed her fingers against his neck. "Damn. You're heart rate is through the roof. What the hell were you thinking Mud B-" Holly choked on her words. "You need to be more careful. Do you want to have a stroke or something?"

"No... no." He gasped out. "Just wanted... to... finish." He saw stars before his eyes.

"I can see that. Well, take a breather there, and finish up. We only have half an hour left." Holly said, standing.

Artemis heaved himself up, and vaulted over the last four jumps. He found the aerial course much easier, and much more enjoyable. His mind easily made the connection with controlling his wings with hand movements, and Holly's eye gave him the double focus it took normal elves years to perfect.

His spirits were not high but he was in a good mood by the days end, though his sparing with Holly did not help. Artemis lay in a heap on the ground, panting.

"Are we done?" He asked.

"I suppose we can do the weights on a different day." Holly looked at her arm guard, which coincidentally was also a watch, calculator, map, GPS, communicator, and an alarm clock. "We're five minutes into our lunch break. Come on. I'll show you the best places to eat."

Artemis followed Holly to the very center of town, and to a small cafe. Having no clue what to order, Holly chose a nettle smoothie and a berry tart for him. He found that he enjoyed the tart immensely, though he thought the Nettle Smoothie was going to take a while to get used to. Artemis, having been completely famished, was finished well before Holly. He examined his surroundings, but mostly on the people, the fairies, that were in the small cafe with them. Almost no one gave him a second glance, and if they did, it was no doubt attributing to his uniform. Or maybe it was the LEP's poster girl sitting across from him. He couldn't tell.

He looked at his watch as Holly finished the last of her smoothie. It was 12:37. They had twenty three minutes until their shift began. Holly looked up at him, her mismatched eyes glowing with curiosity. "So... How are you liking Haven so far?"

"It's... interesting. Not quite home yet, that's for sure. But it's not much different from the surface world, except for the lack of sun, of course. There's people and jobs and families. All that's missing is everything I used to have." He said, dismally.

"Well that's a happy thought." Holly said staring into her drink. She flicked her eyes to her watch again. "We better get going. By the way, you should try to get out to the training field at least three times a week. You really need to get in shape. I'll tell trouble to keep you strictly on lab work for this first month, but you'll probably start getting assignments soon."

"Thank you for that encouraging bit of information..." He said. He wasn't sure what it was... either the sleep deprivation or that magic coursing through his veins or this whole ludicrous situation, but he began to chuckle. "This is insane." Holly couldn't help but join in.

**Reviews make authors happy and happy authors update faster. ;)**


	3. Chapter 3

**!!!Warning!!! I did NOT give this a grammar check, so please overlook the (likely) numerous mistakes festering inside this chapter. Don't mistake this for "Just ignore them" because I will go back and change them when I'm not bogged down with exams, but I need to know where they are! Please let me know. Other than that, enjoy the chapter!**

They walked back to the Police Plaza slowly, but found themselves jogging as their break was slowly wearing out. Artemis was positive that being late on his first day would be bad. He was back in Foaly's office just in time. His muscles still ached from his very first work out, and his jog hadn't helped a thing. He collapsed in a chair, panting.

"So, how did your training go?" Foaly said from his desk.

"I'm sure you know, for there is no doubt in my mind that you were watching via security camera the whole. Though, I will tell you anyway: It was terrible." Artemis said, almost having regained his breath.

"Well doesn't that sound like fun. Well then. Here" Foaly paused dramatically and handed Artemis a manilla folder. "Is your very first assignment."

Artemis' ears perked, and he found the feeling both unusual and amusing. He grabbed the folder from Foaly and opened it. Inside were several sketches and blue prints. From what Artemis could see and read in the few moments he had to examine it, it appeared to be a rough draft of the pod he and Foaly had been discussing last night.

"Your job is to make it work. You've been given a budget of 20,000 troy ounces and a time frame of two months." Foaly said.

"What if I get done before then?" Artemis asked, still staring at the information inside the folder.

"Than I'm required to give you another job. Best to drag it out a bit." Foaly said with a wink.

"Foaly, why are you doing all of this for me?"

"Well... You being here makes my life easier, and if not for you'd I'd have been thrown in jail when the B'wa Kell rioted, and not to mention all the other times you've saved my finely furred rump. I think you may have earned some of my courtesy. But be forewarned. It won't last forever." Foaly said smiling and turned back to his computer. "Now get to work."

"Yessir!" Artemis said before he could catch himself. He remembered that elves were highly emotional, and made a mental note to himself to be careful about keeping his feelings in check.

"Good. You can take that booth over there. You should find everything you need."

Artemis walked over to the area Foaly designated. He found a fairly large desk with pens, markers, stencils, rulers, grid paper, as well as far more advanced things like hologram projectors, a very shiny, very expensive looking computer, and little bits of metal and clock works scattered about.

Artemis sighed and sat in the chair, making his first task organizing the messy station. When Artemis deemed his working station acceptable, he logged into the LEP mainframe and brought up the search engine. He started by pulling up the schematics of the most current pod model. After studying them he found three things wrong with them. First, they, being round, were not very aerodynamic. Two, the boosters could only go so far to aid in the speed of the magma. And three, it would seem that the only main method of motion was reliant totally on the flares.

Artemis jotted this down and continued into some recent discoveries of Foaly. He studied the physics of the moon belt, the micro organisms, and the flex shield suit. Artemis was pretty sure he had a plan. He scratched out some notes, and turned to the blue prints. Artemis was fairly sure that a new pod model, more powerful rear boosters, some sort of anti-gravitational device for the pilot of the pod, and a flex shield would improve a ride to Foaly's standards.

_There has to be more to it than this. Foaly would have been able to figure this out a long time ago. Mulch could figure this out on his own..._ Artemis scowled. _Of course._ The flex shield wouldn't work in such high temperatures, and he had been relying on that to be a backbone for any pressurization issues with the pod. On top of that, a conical pod would not be resilient enough to withstand the force put on it. _An exoskeleton then? _Artemis sighed and returned to his blue prints.

By the time his buzzer rang, notifying him that his required hours were over, Artemis had a headache. He was ready to rip his assignment folder to shreds. Every solution, every idea, had some kind of draw back, some limitation that made the idea worthless. His brain had never failed him before, why would it now, when he needed it the most?

"Ugh." Artemis said, rubbing his temples, as he packed up his day's meager work and slipped it into a filing cabinet.

"Fun first day?" Foaly asked.

"A blast." Artemis muttered dryly.

"Well, see you tomorrow." Foaly said snickering.

Artemis heaved himself up and walked out the door and into the hub of the main Plaza. He was surrounded by noise and commotion, with officers and convicts and citizens all around him, and all screaming. Every now and then a fir ball would flare, followed quickly by the distinctive sound of a buzz baton. Artemis found his hand drawn to his Nutrino. He was surprised to find comfort in the small piece of metal.

One voice rang out above the others. "Put your damn hands behind your back or I'll turn this baton on high and shove it so far up your ass you'll piss electricity!"

_Ah, Holly. As violent as ever, I see._ He thought fondly, seeking his friend out by her voice.

He found her kneeling on a defiant looking sprite with baton raised high above her head, ready to strike. "I know I haven't been here very long, but I am fairly sure that would be against some sort of rule or regulation." He said smoothly.

Holly stiffened and then in one fluid movement, flipped the tiny green man over onto his stomach and pinned one arm under her knee, and cuffed the other. She quickly secured his other hand as well. When done, she hoisted the sprite up by the metal chain linking his wrists and turned to Artemis. "Hey there."

"Hey yourself. Rough day?" He said.

"I prefer the term 'interesting'." She said, and couldn't help but grin.

"Would you love birds go make out somewhere else. You're gonna make me puke. Would you just lock me up already. God, I hate people." Artemis and Holly blushed furiously and the sprite, having noticed this snickered. Holly whipped out her buzz baton and smacked him smartly on the runt. He yelped and grumbled to himself.

"Just give me a sec. This won't take long." Holly drug the nameless sprite to the reception counter where another officer, equally gruff, took him out of her hands. Holly walked back to where Artemis stood. "So. How was your first day of work. Are you still going to look for an apartment?"

"In order: Awful, and no, considering I'll probably fall asleep as soon as I get back into my cell. How was your day?" He began rubbing his temples again.

Holly couldn't help but laugh. "Your cell? Wow, that sounds bad. My day was OK, I suppose. Half paper work and half out on the streets. I made two arrests including Mr. Friendly over there."

"Who was the other?" Artemis said, still massaging his head, trying to distract himself.

"Another sprite. He was smuggling jewelry, food, electronics... your usual contraband stuff."

"Interesting. Well, I'm sorry I can't show more interest than this, but I am in desperate need of a warm drink and a bed to sleep in. I'll see you tomorrow?" He asked.

"Yeah. I go to the training field every day before work, so I might see you there." She said, placing her buzz baton back on her belt, and making sure her safety was on on her Nutrino.

"Sure. Bye."

"Later." She said, walking off in the opposite direction as him.

Artemis drug himself back to his cell and flopped down on the uncomfortable mattress. He brought his arm with his alarm on it and reset it for 7:00 in the morning. He assumed that would give him enough time to get ready, get to the training field, and meditate. He had taken quite a liking to meditation in the past few years, and he thought he was in desperate need of it now. But first he had some things to do.

He pulled his helmet over his head and, using Foaly's hand-keypad, logged onto the internet. He brought up the equivalent of the People's Google, and searched for apartments for rent in Haven. Several popped up, and he started at the top. The first looked nice. It was spacey and had two bed rooms, as well as a full kitchen with a dining room combined, and a living room, but once his human funds ran dry, he wouldn't be able to afford it. He moved on.

The next was considerably smaller. It had one bedroom. The kitchen and living room that appeared to double as a dining room were all connected. It had wooden floors and painted walls. The bedroom was painted green, the living room was painted white, and the kitchen appeared to be yellow. Artemis smiled. It was doable. Still, he continued on.

He found several others, some larger and some smaller and in all sorts of different price ranges. He decided that he would ask Holly's opinion when he saw her next. Maybe tomorrow morning. He looked at the clock projecting on the inside of his visor. It read 7:42. He sighed. His stomach grumbled and he got up from his bed, switched into the clothes some one had left for him and walked out of the station.

He made his way carefully to the Mossy Shoal, the restaurant that Holly had shown him on his first tour. He walked through the door and was greeted by a friendly blonde elf.

"Hello. My name is Jenna. Only one?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Booth or table?"

"Either is fine." He said, trying to act normal.

"Alright, please follow me." She led him to the back of the restaurant and seated him at a small booth. "Your server will be here with you in a moment."

"Thank you." He said as she walked off. E picked up the menu she had left him and looked it over. There were all sorts of things he had never heard of before. _Nettle cobbler. Nettle chowder with Mushrooms. Berry Salad. Crayfish Meal. I'm not sure what's good..._He was still frowning at his menu when the waiter, a small pixie, walked up.

"Good evening, Sir. Can I get you something to drink?"

"Water is fine, thank you."

"Alright. Do you know what you want to order?" He asked amiably.

"To be honest, I have no clue. What do you recommend?"

The waiter smiled pleasantly. "Well, tonight our special is the Crayfish dinner. It's Crayfish steamed and served with nettles, and marinated in lemon juice and our house spices. It's my personal favorite."

"I suppose I'll have that, then." Artemis said, handing the menu to the pixie in front of him.

"That'll be right out." He walked away.

Artemis looked around him. The booths and tables were bustling with all sorts of fairies. He was pleased to recognize several officers from the LEP. He sighed. He couldn't lie to himself. He missed Butler more than anything. Though it sounded bad, Butler had been more of a father to him than his real father had been. He made a promise to himself to try and contact him as soon as he returned to his cell. Hopefully, he would be able to move into a new place, his own place, before the week was out. Five days seemed like enough to scrape up some furniture and move in. He was only really watching three places anyway.

The arrival of his food broke him out of his train of thought. He picked up his silver ware and dug in, surprised to find that he really enjoyed it. It was almost better than the food their private cook at the manor had been able to whip up. He even found himself eating the nettles when the crayfish were gone. He pulled a few gold coins out of his pants pocket, counting out fifteen ounces and setting and extra three on the table for the waiter. He brought his money up to the front counter, paid, and ambled back to the Plaza.

He collapsed onto his mattress and was out as soon as his head hit the pillow. Artemis' dreams were confused and erratic. They were full of colors and little blips of thoughts and feelings that seemed to float about his mind as they pleased. Something, he wasn't sure what it was, continued to reoccur, always present but never showing itself. He sank into a deeper state of sleep before he could figure it out.

By the time he awoke in the morning, Artemis felt more rested than he had assumed he would, what with the constant mental activity through most of the night. He had no trouble remembering why he was in this strange room, or why everything seemed green, or why he was not awoken to his obnoxiously loud alarm clock. He was in Haven, and he was an elf. He sighed. It was going to be a long millennium. He saw this thought as no sign of surrendering to his physical state, or his situation, but only that he was making a comment based on his current situation. Only a comment.

He rolled out of bed, quickly changing into his LEP suit, donned his Nutrino Pro, and his helmet then headed out the door. He remembered the route to the training field, and as he made his way there, he was surprised at how quiet Haven was. Of course, it was still on the verge of completely bustling, but it was more peaceful than normal. He walked into the field room and could not see Holly. He was surprised to find himself disappointed, but dismissed the thought as not worth his time.

Artemis found only a few other officers, maybe three or four upon his quick examination, that were here. He walked to the shooting booth and prepped his gun. He had his hand on the dial to turn it on when his communicator beeped, a red light blinking. Red meant emergency. _Already? _He thought as he clicked it on. Foaly's voice buzzed out from the other end.

"Artemis. Get your skinny white butt down to Jupiter Street. A troll has found his way into the main square and we need reinforcements. This thing is going crazy. None of our tazers are affecting it. All we've succeeded in doing is pissing it off."

_A troll, of all things? Why couldn't it have just been an overly flatulent dwarf? No, it has to be a troll. Of course. Karma, you bitch. _Artemis left the booth at a steady jog towards his destination. He donned his helmet and switched on it's communicator so he didn't have to hold his arm up to his face to talk. "How is it that the only reason anyone ever makes the initiative to talk to me is when there's some kind of emergency? No one ever just stops by to chat." He grumbled.

"Sarcasm, Artemis? Well, then. You just naturally repel people that's all. Nothing against you personally..." Foaly left off with a snicker.

"Be quiet. Where am I headed?"

"Take a right on this street here than follow the screams."

"Easy enough..."

Despite Artemis' sarcasm, it turned out Foaly was right. As soon as Artemis turned, his helmet began to pick up the screams and amplify them as if Artemis were actually hearing them. Rather 'nifty' but he was trying to focus at the moment. It was another two blocks before he saw the crowd of officers. He could see other LEP arriving from the streets surrounding it as they answered Foaly's call.

All of them were on the ground, trying to hit the soft spot at the base of it's skull. All except for one fairy with a pair of wings up in the air, flying like an air plane around King Kong, and from what Artemis could hear, she was laughing. Holly... Artemis, who in the back of his mind was surprised that this half a mile run had not tired him out -he concluded that it must be the new body- put on an extra boost of speed and broke through the crowd of idiotic spectators watching.

He drew his gun and flicked off the safety. He called out to Holly. "Nice flying." He said sarcastically.

Holly flew up out of the trolls reach and hovered, looking towards Artemis. "Non-conforming has always been my specialty. Now come on. Help be get this brute back in his tunnel. This is exactly the kind of idiotically dangerous thing we excel at."

"I completely agree. Give me a second." He said, focusing his over sized brain on their task at hand. _Doesn't like bright light, predatory, stupid, one real weakness, seems intent on killing Holly. Easy. Too easy. Regardless._ "Holly, follow me. Keep his attention."

"Gotcha." She said.

Artemis ran towards the training field, the largest open space he knew of in Haven. He looked behind him. The troll was chasing Holly as if it were his sole purpose in life. And Holly was still laughing. "Holly. When we get to the training field, I want you to use your helmet lights like in the manor. I'm going to use my spring-cable like a trip line and bring him to the ground. Do you think you can get the shot in?"

"Sure. Do you think there might be an easier way to do this?"

"Probably, but this is the only thing I could think of in 2.4 seconds and it's too late now!"

"Fair enough." She grumbled

Artemis saw the open field up in the distance, and he hoped his timing would be right. He'd have to perfectly align himself so the troll wouldn't just step over the cable, and that he wouldn't fall on something or someone. Hopefully the field was empty considering Foaly probably called all the officers to aid with the troll. He was on the AstroTurf now. _3... 2... "_Now!"

Everything happened very quickly. Holly whirled on the troll, tunnel lights flaring brightly in its eyes. The troll snarled and screwed his lids shut, throwing his arms up trying to swat her out of the air. Artemis shot his cable just over the trolls foot, so as he took a step with the intention of steadying himself, he instead fell face first on the ground. Holly, still in the air, took only a second to aim, than shot the trolls pressure point. The struggling troll stilled as he was knocked unconscious.

Holly had just let down on the ground when the crowd of officers who had somehow fallen behind, Artemis hadn't been paying much attention, arrived. Artemis watched, panting, as they hauled the troll into some kind of electric-plasma-barred cage. He looked to his left and saw Trouble talking with a group of other Officers. The commander caught him watching and turned towards them.

"Nicely done." Trouble said, approaching them.

"Thank you Sir." Holly replied. Artemis just nodded.

Trouble nodded and turned his back on them, walking back towards his other officers.

Artemis looked to Holly, and under his breath muttered "Not very grateful, is he?"

Holly laughed. "Well, he has to put the gruff commander face on for the younger officers, or they'll think he's all soft."

"I suppose. Well, we should probably get back to work." Artemis' face scrunched up at the last word. He felt wrong just saying it.

"Right. Am I still helping you look for an apartment?"

"If you want to." Artemis said calmly.

"Sure. Uh, I'll stop by your cell when I get off and I'll help you decide."

"Thank you. See you after work." Artemis said, turning and walking back towards the ops lab.

As soon as Artemis walked in through the sliding metal door, and saw the filing cabinet that held his current assignment, he scowled. He sighed, and sat down at his desk, emptying the folder onto the surface. After two hours of scratching down notes, erasing, and scratching again. Artemis found something.

"Foaly." He said, trying to get the centaurs attention.

"Yessim?" He said, mushing the two words together.

"What if the pods had an exoskeleton of heat resistant metal, than a flex shield inner shell, like in your suits? Further more, adding a moon belt to the inner pod to protect the officer. To move the pod towards the flares, magnets. You can use electricity gathered from lighting rods on the surface to give them greater charge. The flex shield would prevent pressure leaks, so you could pressurize the pod more efficiently."

Foaly picked up his blueprints and examined them closely. He pulled out a hand held laptop, and was rapidly clicking away before he said "It might work. But it'll have to go through a production team to get the statistics and stuff. I'll email these to them. It's gonna be expensive though..."

"Very well. If it doesn't work I have full confidence that you'll send it straight back to me."

"That's correct." Foaly said, smiling broadly.

"Wonderful."

"Well, since it'll be a while until we see how much revision your idea needs, you can work on this." Foaly handed Artemis another folder. Artemis was sure that, in a few more weeks, he could come to hate the thin sheets of card paper, but for now he just sighed and took it from the centaurs hands. He opened to find a much different assignment.

Inside of the folder appeared to be a plot of land inside some sort of tunnel that reached all the way up to the surface. Artemis read into the description and discovered it was a plan to make a sort of green house and allow a wider diversity of foods to actually grow underground. The fairies artificial sunlight couldn't give the plants any nutrients. Artemis sighed.

"Foaly. The solution to your problem is obvious. You could have done this in your sleep. Use mirrors..."

"Yes, but it's my job to make the _important _discoveries. You're the assistant so you get the insignificant work."

"Well, now don't I feel special..."

"So, mirrors? Okay, figure out where they'll need to be placed, and what it'll take to keep them in good condition. Also, we're gonna need to actually open a hole in the surface, so figure out a way to let the sunlight through and the rain and other stuff out. We need this plot to feed a third of Haven and it's gotta grow fast, so figure out some kind of fertilizer. You can do that."

Artemis harrumphed "This is so tedious. It's below me."

"Well, you rank below me, so tough nubs."

"Nubs?" Artemis asked.

"Get to work, Artemis."

That was how Artemis spent his day. He has decided a Plexiglass window would be sufficient, considering it was strong enough to allow cleaning crews to go onto the glass without damaging it. He would utilize Foaly's Cam Foil on the surface to disguise the entrance of the tunnel. He was working on a watering system for the plot when his timer rang.

"Finally." He muttered, packing up.

"See you tomorrow, Artemis." Foaly said, waving him off.

"Good night." He said as he was walking out.

**(''')(o.o)(''') Hope you liked it! Please review!!! (''')(o.o)(''')**


	4. Chapter 4

** BEFORE YOU READ! CRUCIAL!: Please be super duper extra sure to read my 'After Chapter Notes. They're very very very very very important. =D**

Artemis walked back to his cell in a daze. His mind was too muddled with too many thoughts to process everything going on around him. Too much was happening too fast. For the first time in his life, too many cataclysmic things were happening at once. He could barely keep up. He never realized until now how easy he had had it. When having an almost infinite supply of money and someone always there to protect you was an everyday thing. For the first time ever he had to watch his own back, and he didn't like it one bit. If he screwed up now he would have no one to blame.

As Artemis lay on his uncomfortable, lumpy cot, he slowly but surely lost track of time. His thoughts were incoherent, except for an overall feeling of melancholy clouding everything. His room seemed lees green and more dull, Haven was not a bustling city but a grave, he was not Artemis Fowl but just an ordinary citizen. He was not who he was before, both physically and mentally. Holly spoke from his door way and he jumped.

He hadn't noticed her leaning there against the metal frame, and was unsure about just how long she had been there. He shook his head, trying to clear the fog that had settled there and force a smile onto his face. It didn't work, and Holly frowned at his convoluted grimace. She opened her mouth as if to speak, but apparently thought better of it and snapped it shut with an audible click. She walked slowly into the room and sat next to him on the bed.

It was silent before she spoke. "How is it that when you first arrived here, you were calm, and accepted everything we threw at you, but now that you've been here for a bit..." she trailed off and picked up with another question, trying to lighten the mood. "Has the glamor of our lovely city worn off already?"

Artemis couldn't help a chuckle at her crude use of old fairy lore. (**A/N: For those of you who don't know, in traditional Irish stories, fairies used what was generally a type of dust called glamor to trick or deceive humans into doing all sorts of things from doing their chores to bringing them human children.**) "No. Shock... sensory overload... trauma... take your pick. But now it's all settling down and I suppose you could say that you're boiling the frog too fast. Except that I can't jump out of the pot. I'm stuck here no matter how much I wish I wasn't."

"Ah. I see. The little Irish rich boy isn't ready for the real world. I suppose you thought this would be easy, considering that twelve ton brain of yours, but I don't think you've ever just had to _live_, have you?"

Artemis was startled that she had guessed the right answer so quickly. "Yes. I've always been able to get by on what exactly suited my skills. I've never had to watch my own back. I've never had to worry about money. It's always just been there."

Holly was silent for a moment than let all of her breath out in a whoosh. "Well, sulking isn't going to do anything about it, so knock it off. You're making me all depressed. Now show me these houses your looking at."

"They're hardly houses, but alright. Here." Artemis flick a switch on his helmet and it projected a blank search engine. He used his suit to open up the folder he had saved earlier, and the helmet projected a 3D view of the first apartment. "This one is across the street from the food store on Pine Street."

"Hmm. That's a good neighborhood, but isn't it a little pricey?"

"Yes, but I plan on importing the rest of my funds from the surface and if I take a little bit every month just to fill in any empty places in my hypothetical wallet, it should last me for about the next four hundred years, assuming it's less than one hundred ounces of gold a month."

"Well aren't you a little master mind? Your intellect has me reeling, I promise, even if I don't show it. OK, move to the next one."

"Snippy, aren't you? Here. This one is significantly cheaper, but in a worse neighborhood. It's scanty to say the best, but completely affordable." The apartment had only one bedroom, one bathroom, and a kitchen. The living room appeared to be trying it's best to squeeze in between but failed miserably. "This is what I'd like to call the 'Last Resort.'"

"I can see why... Ew. Even In the hologram you can see the cracks in the walls."

They must have gone through ten more before Holly stopped him again. "Oh, look this one. It's nice." And it was. It was on a road called Sheldon Street, which branched right off of the main road, conveniently named Main Street, than ran through the center of Haven and straight to the police plaza. It was a fairly quiet neighborhood, with less crime than most places. It had one bedroom, a nice kitchen, a full bathroom, and a big living room that could double as a dining room. It would only be a fifteen minute walk to work.

"Indeed it does, and it's quite affordable if I work some overtime. Do you think I should go after this one?" He asked, looking towards her.

"Just flip through the other ones really quick, but yeah, probably."

In the end, Artemis and Holly finally decided that 14C Sheldon Street would be the best pick, and Artemis sent an email to the land lord there. He didn't expect a reply any time soon, so he shut down his helmet and sat back on his bed. Holly was looking around his cell.

"No wonder you want to get out of here so badly. This place is awful."

"I agree. Holly, do you think you could show me to a clothing store?"

"Sure, but I gotta warn you; no tuxes, no suits, no ties. They just don't fit down here. You actually will have to be normal."

Artemis grimace and scrunched up his nose. "A fact I am completely aware of, I assure you. Also one I'm not happy about. I will miss my suits." He sighed wistfully, but Holly watched as his eyes brightened, a spark burning back into them. "Do you know when Butler might be able to make it down here?" He allowed himself a small grin as he turned to her.

"I'm... not sure." Holly was afraid to crush his spontaneously good mood, and quickly continued. "but I can talk to Trouble. I might be able to get a rush order on it."

Artemis's brows came together. "I really don't want to put you out, and especially if it should cause a rift with you and Trouble. Though I'm not well versed in the subject, isn't it frowned upon to ask special favors from your boss? Now that I'm just a citizen..."

Holly brought her slender hand up to feel his forehead, in a seemingly joking manor, though she was concerned. "Artemis Fowl, thinking of another living creature's well fare? I must be hallucinating. What have you done with the real Arty?"

Artemis held back a smirk at the use of his pet name. "I assure you, I am completely serious. I wouldn't want Trouble to think I might be trying to take advantage your friendship with him." His eyes held a greater meaning in them.

It suddenly clicked inside Holly's mind what he was doing. He didn't give a flying fish about Trouble, but he did care about her, and he was clearly still worried about the JayJay incident. He was still afraid that he had damaged their 'relations', as he would put it. Holly felt her face soften, though she was honestly surprised that he cared so much, regardless of how out of character it was.

"Artemis... I don't think, even if Trouble thought I might be taking advantage of him, that he could stay mad at me for long, because we've been really good friends for a while now. Even if I did do something that he didn't approve of, I'm sure he could forgive me eventually..."

Artemis lidded his eyes. He murmured "How long do you think he could possibly stay mad at you?" He cocked his head slightly.

"Artemis, I'm not mad at you anymore. Karma got you back, so I don't have to." She smirked, and was surprised to find a truly genuine smile splayed across Artemis's face.

"Thank you." He murmured.

"You're welcome. Now come on. Let's find you some new clothes."

Artemis simply nodded his approval and followed her out into the streets. It was about a mile long walk to Markab's, the clothing store she had shown him on his very first day awake in Haven. It gave Artemis no small satisfaction that his legs easily accepted the long journey, as opposed to the first day when they had been begging for relief. Inside the store, in was comfortably air conditioned, and many colors of clothes hung from the racks. Artemis couldn't help pursing his lips at the lack of suits and formal wear, and the few ties they had could barely pass for such.

"Oh, get that scowl of your face. Some normal clothes won't make your skin sizzle. Now come on, the men's section is over here." Holly lugged on his wrist, ushering him towards the back, left hand side of the store. Artemis quizzically looked around at the different styles of pants and shirts. There were corduroys, slacks, khakis, cameo shorts, and denim jeans, as well as all shorts of shirts including polo's and long sleeves, and sweaters, and the skin tight neon shirts that can only be described as flamboyantly gay. He arched an eyebrow.

"Now trust me Arty, I truly hate shopping. Truly I do, so let's get this over with as soon as possible and then we can both leave."

"That sounds ideal." He began to sort through the racks, looking for the most formal things he could find. He had two pairs of black slacks, and three white button up shirts when Holly tsk-ed at him. Artemis, those are all fine if your having lunch with the Council, but if you're just walking down the streets, you'll need some of these." She handed him two polo shirts one red and one green with black and white stripes, along with one pair of tan baggy shorts and some light blue jeans.

"Holly, those are completely-"

"Normal, average, cramping your style? Perfect. Go try them on." She shoved them at him and herded him, ignoring his reluctant protests, into the mens fitting rooms. Holly waited impatiently outside until he emerged with everything but a yellow tee shirt thrown over one arm.

"Are you getting the rest of that?" She asked.

"Yes."

Holly shrugged and walked up to the cashier, where Artemis paid, and couldn't help but pail at the comparatively large sum taken out of his account. "Alright. Are you going to take those back to your cell, or carry them around for the rest of the night?"

"Rest of the night?" He asked, unaware that they had plans.

"Well, I was thinking that since we were already out, and so close to that apartment, that you might wanna stop by and have a chat with the land lord, but if not, than that's fine." she stuck her hands in her pockets and waited for his response.

Artemis found himself strangely pleased that Holly wanted to spend time with him. "Well that does sound enjoyable, and I would like to, but if you are for some reason feeling obligated to assist me purely because-"

Holly cut him off with an indignant stare. "You think that the only reason I'm helping you is because of some lame-ass thing you might have done? Artemis, after everything we've been through, I'd say we're pretty damn even, so don't pull any of that crap. I'm doing this because I was under the vague conception that we're friends, and friends do tend to help each other out once in a while. Is that really such a foreign concept to you?"

Artemis shrunk back from her angry words. "I apologize if I offended you. I just wanted to clarify that you needn't feel a need to help me."

"Well, maybe I just enjoy your company. So deal with it." She said, stalking off towards the police plaza. "We're gonna stop by my place first, though, so I can get out of this uniform. You can change there too, if you want. It's on the way." He voice had lost a cheery note, and was gruff. A voice Artemis had grown used to.

"Sounds wonderful." Artemis jogged a few steps to catch up with her, and tried to ignore the slightly awkward silence that enshrouded their steps on the way to Holly's apartment. He took time trying to memorize street names, and memorize the general layout of Haven. A thought struck Artemis, and he asked Holly for the answer. "What lays to the south of the Police Plaza? I've only seen the north side of town so far, and I know the road extends further beyond it. Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't the plaza lay in the center of Haven?"

"Yeah, that's right. Smack dab in the center. What were in right now is the better section of town. This is where the shops are and the restaurants and all that stuff. This is Upper Haven. In Lower Haven is kinda like the slums. Or the ghetto, depending on what you prefer. Poverty, hunger, crime. There's not much we can do about it, because our population outweighs the number of jobs available, considering there isn't much place to expand out down here, and we live for-freaking-ever." She exaggerated he last bit, but Artemis got her meaning. "I grew up in Lower Haven."

"You did?" Artemis asked, surprised. Holly always had such good morals and principles, he had always assumed she had been part of a more upper class family.

"Yeah, I did." she answered shortly.

"Huh. I would have guessed-"

"That I was a little rich kid? With a rich daddy and a nice mommy and a few pets? Nope. When my dad died, we kind of fell out on money, and the slums were our only choice. It was hard, I'll tell you that. Though it wasn't necessarily a bad place to grow up. I mean, sure, there was a lot of crime, but that just teaches you right from wrong a little bit quicker. There were always a bunch of kids to play with, and I suppose you could say everyone looked out for one another. So, it wasn't all bad."

"It's certainty an interesting twist on the general view of poverty."

"Sure. Well, this is it." Holly stopped them in front of a building about five stories high. It was mad of red brick, and to the right of the door way, ivy grew up the sides. Holly opened the door, and the entered a hallway with one door on wither side, and a staircase leading up the left wall. Holly started climbing. They were on the fourth floor and Holly drew out her key and went to the door on the right side of the hallway.

Holly turned the lock, and Artemis eagerly stepped through the door way. Inside Holly's apartment there were wooden floors. The walls were painted a light green and the furniture ranged from black to brown. From what he saw, there was one main room, which doubled as a living room and and a bed room completely with a very tattered looking futon. A kitchen branched off of that, and a bathroom on the other side of that. There was a small table with two chairs.

"Voila. Home, sweet home." Holly said sarcastically. "Small, isn't it?"

"A little." Artemis smirked, then asked "Your salary must allow you to afford something, um..." Artemis wasn't quite sure how to continue without causing offense. Luckily, Holly's angry storm seemed the have blown over and she responded with a laugh as she walked over to her dresser and picked out a casual outfit.

"Bigger? Yeah, but this was my first house and I hate to say it, but I've grown attached. Just wait. One day, you might get a better paying job and then you see how hard it is to leave." The walked into her small bathroom and after closing the door, she said "There's a lot of memories in this place. First day of work, first time off on my own, first time I received a mission. And also the first place I ever heard the name Artemis Fowl." She emerged from her bathroom clad in a red tee shirt, which Artemis couldn't help but notice was skin tight, and light blue jeans.

"What a coincidence." He picked up the bag holding his clothes and, gesturing towards the bathroom/changing room asked "May I?"

"Duh." Holly said, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes. Artemis tried to ignore the substantial boost the pressure from her arms gave her 'upper sections' He turned quickly to hide his mad blush and muttered something incomprehensible under his breath.

Once having fled into the bathroom and securely closing the door, he retrieved his green polo with the black and white stripes on it, and his pair of light blue jeans. He slipped off his uniform and folded it neatly back into his bag. He stepped out of the bathroom and looked for Holly, finding her in her the kitchen, rooting through her sparsely stocked fridge.

"I'm done."

"Alrighty. I'm just gonna grab a snack and then we can go. We should probably stop by the plaza to drop your stuff off, then we can head over to the apartment. Maybe the owner will be there, and you can get your lease settled or something."

"Yeah, maybe. Hey, how long do you think it will last until people figure out I'm Artemis Fowl? I mean, I'll have to give my name to someone eventually."

"'Yeah' and 'Hey' are not proper words, Artemis. Tsk, tsk. But, I get what you're saying. I don't know. The People can be kind of judgmental, so..."

"Wonderful."

"Well, there's never, ever been a human turned elf, so how could I possibly know what will happen? It could go either way, especially because of everything you've done for, and to, The People. Long story short, no one knows, so stop being a worry wort."

"Wise words, Major Short."

Holly muttered under her breath "Smart ass..."

** Chapter 4! Oh yeah! Well, I tried to put a little more effort into this one grammar wise, the key word there being 'tried'. (If you try to fail, and succeed, what have you done? Think about it... 0.o) So, anyway, I hope you liked it. And let's hypothetically say that reviews are crucial to my survival. If you don't review, I'll die, and then where would you be? You'd be updateless (Not sure if this is a real word or not... Oh well!) , that's what you'd be. FOREVER! Quick, see the button right bellow this? Click it! DO it NAUGH! (German version of 'now', in case no one gets my crude Arnold Schwarzenegger joke." I'll even give you directions:**

**\/ Right There. Click it, you fool! \/**

**\/ Yes, that pretty green button \/**

**\/ It's really quite simple \/**

**\/ DO IT NAUGH!!! \/**

**\/Yes, you did just read that whole thing\/**

**\/ !!!!CLICK!!!!\/**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys. Yeah, it's been a while. I know this update isn't my mandatory six pages, but I figured its ben so long that I should just give you something. Just _something. _I really do feel terrible, and I can't even blame school. It's all writers block right here. Any suggestions? Anyways, I hope you enjoy the update.**

It was a long, quiet walk back at the Plaza, though not uncomfortable to either of them. Holly had been relieved not to speak, and Artemis had enjoyed the time to commit that section of Haven to his memory. Artemis walked through the door and down the narrow hall way to his cell. He dropped his bag next to the small cot and, after sending a quick, reassuring glance at the small mirror, he walked back out to the front desk where Holly stood. The Plaza was nearly empty, except for the receptionist, and few patrons complaining into a phone, and one junior officer with a riled up sprite handcuffed to his moon belt. He dropped his bags in his cell, and walked out without looking back.

Outside, for the first time since he had arrived in Haven, Artemis felt the urge to look up. He tried to recall, but he couldn't remember ever examining the ceiling of Haven City. What he saw shocked him, though it was to be expected. The ceiling was not flat by any means, but instead was jagged with stalactites, huge, behemoth spears of rock jutting down towards the ground. Some looked longer than the length of a foot ball field, and wider around than a building. He stopped walking for a moment and gaped. Holly stopped and turned towards him quizzically.

He said in a slightly awestruck voice "Do they ever fall?"

"Sometimes, but more often then not they get trimmed before then. Foaly has sensors up there that can tell us when one is weakening and about to fall, then we can send someone up there to shave them down."

"Huh." He just said, and the walked on.

Artemis was pleased with himself that he was beginning to memorize the lay out of Haven, or at least Upper Haven. He was able to guess correctly the street names before he came to them... most of the time. So when they reached Juniper Street, then crossed Russet, he guessed that Sheldon would be next, and he was right. Holly led him to the right building, and up to the door, where she proceeded to helpfully step aside and leave it all on him. He sighed and rang the buzzer.

After an obnoxiously loud ring, and then a few seconds delay, and harsh voice came on, and had Artemis not been terrified, he might have made the comparison to Root, and smiled a bit. "Hello? Who is this and whadda ya want?"

"My name is Artemis, and I'm looking to rent out 14C. Is it still available?"

"Yeah, it's still available. Hold on, I'll buzz ya in."

There was another obnoxious buzz, then a faint click as the door unlatched. Artemis stepped inside, to find a man, slightly taller then himself standing there waiting. A door behind him was ajar, and he guessed that was where the management office was. The man in front of him was slightly over weight, but not disgustingly so. He had blond hair, clearly elven, and a twisted scowl. The main entry was nice, with tile floors and walls painted a tan-coffee color. There was a wooden stair case leading up, where, as far as Artemis could see, it continued for more than five flights. Another hallway led off to the back of the build, where he guessed it was a mirrored image of the lobby the stood in now.

"My name is Cornelius Bedley, though you call me Mr. Bedley."

"And I'm to assume you're the land lord?"

"Well I ain't the milk man!"

"Clearly. Well, can you tell me anything about 14C?"

"Sure, I can tell you lots about it, but before we get into that, I need you to tell me a bit about yourself."

"Fair is fair, I suppose, though I think by the end you'd rather wish you hadn't asked." Artemis knew he shouldn't be talking that way to this man, but the opportunity to trump someone, to leave the reeling at a gain of new information he had held above them, was just too sweet to pass up. "I grew up in Ireland, in a large house called Fowl Manor. My mother's name is Angeline, and I carry my father's name, Artemis. I've had numerous encounters with the people before, but none quite as severe as the last, which has placed me in the position you find me in today. I have two brothers named Miles and Becket. I work now for the LEP and have a constant and steady income, and enough money now to start me off here. Anything else?"

Artemis congratulated this man for not screaming or cursing or accusing him of lying. He didn't even go slack jawed. He just stood there, with pursed lips and a furrowed brow. Artemis and Holly, who was half way to fuming by this point, waited silently while he sorted it out. "So you're tellin' me you're Artemis Fowl, the guy who's almost doomed my entire race on a multitude of occasions, taken our Fairy Gold, kidnapped one of my own, and you want me to rent you out an apartment?"

Artemis chewed on the inside of his cheek for just a moment, before answering. "That sounds about right, but even on the occasions that I did not cause the initial problem, in every situation I saved you from certain doom. That should be taken into account, but yes, you have it about right."

"Now you listen here, Mud Boy, there is no way in _Frond_ that I would ever-"

Holly cut him off with a sharp jab to his chest with her index finger, and some well chosen words. "Excuse me? This guy comes to you looking for a place to live, offering you money, and after saving our entire species from extinction, oh what is it, six times now, and you have the balls to turn him down. I've wrestled trolls, I chased down sprites, and jailed up goblins, so don't you think for a second I'd hesitate to put you in your place, too. You owe Artemis your hide several times over, and I'd think a business man like you would know how to show at least some gratitude."

Mr. Bedley was spluttering now, trying to come up with words in rebuke for Holly's statements, but he was so shocked he couldn't quite make his tongue work. Eventually he stuttered out "W-well, fine! I-If you put it that way, I suppose I c-could make an exception."

Holly turned from threatening LEP officer back into average city girl in a wink. "Good. Artemis." She gestured for him to speak.

"Thanks, Holly, though I assure you that was completely-"

"Unnecessary? Artemis, I've seen you try and make deals before. Remember Spiro, and the C-Cube? How'd that business transaction work out, eh?"

Artemis cringed. "Fine, I suppose." He turned back to Mr. Bedley. "Alright then. With that behind us, I'd like to get this rent figured out, and hopefully move in by tomorrow night."

He didn't look happy about it, but Artemis's new land lord reluctantly led him into his office.

Artemis woke up for his last morning on the LEP cot in his holding cell. Today he was going to buy new furniture, and move in to his new home. His buzzer woke him up a tad earlier than usual, but he had planned it to, so he could get extra time in the training field. He was coming to like the weight of his Nutrino at his side, and he could almost say he enjoyed shooting it. He went to the shooting booth first, signed in, and began. He started on 2B, and by the time he was done, he felt comfortable with 3A, where the targets were starting to move around more, maybe hop a bit or duck every now and then. He couldn't help but smirk, but it faded when he thought about Butler, and wished he was there.

-One Week Later-

The furniture was in, new clothes lay in his drawers, and the lease was signed. Walking in through the front door, a visitor would be immediately confronted with the living room, which lay in front of and extended to the right side of the door. The the left was the kitchen, pressed up against the wall, with another wall running parallel to it, but with an opening that looked into the living room and simultaneously created a bar where he could eat. Straight ahead from the entry way was a hallway, ending in a small storage closet. A door to the right led to a bedroom, and to the left, a bathroom.

The bedroom had green walls, and his futon-bed had black covers with thin green stripes running through to match the walls. The floor was a deep russet colored pergo, which complimented his mahogany dresser and stand, attached to which was a half-length mirror. The living room had off-white walls, with the same colored pergo floors as in the bedroom. Here he had a tan suede couch, used though after he and Holly cleaned it, they could barely tell, as well as a small wooden coffee table, lighter in color then the floor. Under the small table and part of the couch, a rug, sporting a red and orange swirl design, rested. Across the room was an entertainment center that he had originally intended to use as a book shelf, but decided to splurge a bit and bought a small TV, though he had yet to decide if he could afford the extra ounces of gold to get the good channels, instead of just the news.

The kitchen was a light cheery yellow color. His fridge, only a little bit different in design then human models he was acquainted with, was off white, and made of a plastic-ish material. Next to it sat an oven, and next to that the dishwasher. On the opposite wall that sat closest to the living room was a sink and a few cabinets. The bathroom had light blue walls, and all white utilities, and he had purchased blue bath mats, already anticipating that cold tile floors early in the morning would be a rather rude awakening.

Holly had played a large part in designing and color coordinating. Artemis, seeing and admiring the results, decided that he was eternally in debt to the major.

Work continued monotonously. Artemis finished the plans for the underground greenhouses, and sent them off for approval, and of course was immediately rewarded with a new assignment. Job after job was placed before him, and while he wasn't too terribly put out with an excuse to use his IQ for something, instead of being ridiculed for it, it was very boring for him. He began to look forward to his mornings on the training grounds. Sometimes he wold meet with Holly, sometimes he would be alone, though he never worked with other officers he might see there. The way he saw it, they made no effort to talk to him, so why should he? He shot the last goblin hologram, at level 4C, right before he was hit with a fireball. Shutting the machine down, he sighed and turned to go to work.

Immediately, massive, strong arms encircled him in a gut-crushing embrace. _A troll_? He wondered, frantically, but his doubts were soon set aside when the 'troll' began to speak. "Well, you were never the biggest Artemis, but now this is just ridiculous."

Butler. Artemis' grin stretched from ear to ear as he moved to return the hug, just then realizing that his hand had reverted to grasping his Nutrino when he had been surprised. "Not much I can do, old friend."

"I know, I know. How have you been? Eating enough? Did the funds come through yet?" Butler rambled, setting the boy back down, and ruffling his hair.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine. And yes, my money did come through, but I've found work with the LEP, so I should be fine with supporting myself once it runs out."

"Oh really now. And what is it you do?"

They discussed the aspects of his job, his new life, his old life, what was going on a home, and his parents as they made their way towards the Plaza. Pushing through the doors, they saw Holly lounging against the front desk. She smiled and rose, ambling over to where they stood. "So you found him them. Good. I would've come with you, but-"

"I know, and it's alright. That sprite was quite a handful."

She smiled ruefully, then reached up and put her hands behind her head, smiling for real. "It sure is good to see you again, big man. Though if anyone wondered before who our new recruit was," She leaned over and gave Artemis' shoulder a good-natured punch, "I don't think they'll wonder much anymore."

Artemis shrugged. "It wouldn't have lasted long anyway. Eventually, someone would've asked my name, or something. At least this way it doesn't surface months from now, and people wig out for the LEP hiding secrets from the people."

Out of that whole thing, Butler picked up on the three key words Artemis had tried to disguise. "Months from now? Are you... I mean, do you think you'll be staying then?" His voice was light, but Artemis wasn't sure if there was anything beneath it or not.

"Well... I don't know. I've been researching it in my free time between assignments, and I'm not sure what could be done. The short version is that the Magic purged all the human from my system. There's no trace of the DNA or genetic material left that singled me out as human, so there'd be nothing to base a new transformation off of. We'd have to reintroduce human material into my system some other way."

Holly spoke. "What, like attach some human part to you?" She looked disturbed.

"Well, yes, that would provide the general matrix, but the trouble is that without some old part of me, I wouldn't become the same person again. The magic would most likely turn me into a replica of the other human, seeing as there no human 'me' in me. And while masquerading in someone else's body might not be horrible, we'd have no way of knowing how it would affect my mind, or growth, or life span, or if the transformation would even complete itself, seeing as my magic would be disappearing instead of forming, and I might not have enough to finish."

"Well... This is a pickle. Has Foaly contributed anything?"

"We've discussed it, but neither of us can find a way around my lack of human DNA." Artemis said, trying not to get emotional about it. It was very, very, frustrating.

**Please review with suggestions! I have a massive writers block! I really have no idea where I'm goin with this story. Or even message me if you don't want to review. I don't really care, I just want to move 'New' forward! :(**


	6. Authors Note! Please Read!

AUTHORS NOTE (Kinda):

So, I know I'm probably going to get so many flames for this but... I'm willing to risk it! I'm desperate. Here's the scoop:

I am a giant nerd. My friends are not giant nerds like I am. Recently (Um, about yesterday-ish to be exact) I made a Wolf RP on and because my friends are somewhat more sane and 'hip' than I am, they have no interest in it. But no one is joining! I'm so lonely! (and a bit peeved that I spent my entire Saturday making it . I refuse to admit defeat! Would any of you be interested? If you PM me on the site, saying you joined because of this note I'll give you a special RP-site bonus (ssh it's a secret! But it'll be a good 'un!) and, if enough join, I may just cook up another chapter for this story! Actually, if just like... four join even... seriously. I'm kinda desperate.

So yeah! Flame away you hateful little things, but I'm throwing away my shame. I spent all freaking Saturday making it, and all of today advertising, and how many members? None! I even have a fancy layout! Think of it this way: 1. You'll be able to talk to me one-on-one, like talking to a celebrity! ^-^ *cricket* *cricket* Kind of... and 2. It's amazing writing practice! That's how became the writer I am. It really does help!

So yeah, with my dignity thoroughly at your mercy, PLEASE! the site blocks the link, so please PM if you're interested (:

:3 Love Sunshine.


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